The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence

I recently found a whole bunch of great books at the annual Wake County library sale. They let you fill up a bag of books for 2 bucks, so I got about a dozen books or so for $2 total!

I just finished reading one book called "The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence." It had kind of a new age feel to it, but there was a lot of really interesting stuff, so I thought I'd share some passages:

Mistaken Certainties

"You can only change yourself to the degree that you become aware of your mistaken certainties. Most of your troubles arise from expectations which have not become realities. And most of your disappointments from your mistaken ideal of what you think you 'should' or 'ought' to do, or be, according to your present level of awareness."

Conformity

"Conformity is one of the greatest psychological evils of humankind. The person caught in this destructive habit never does anything worthwhile with his life. He wants to be a great person, independent and do important things. But he can't. His motivation to always be approved of prevents him."

Comparison

"Comparison is a sign of poor self-esteem. The person who compares himself to others lives in a state of fear. He fears those he imagines are above him. Believing them to be smarter, he feels unable to stand his ground. He fears those he imagines are below him because they seem to be catching up...The only way to get through life, he concludes, is to beat people at their own game. But, as his primary concern becomes being "one up" on the next person on his imaginary ladder, life loses its enjoyment."

Praise-Seeking and Recognition

"If you are to be totally free and self-confident, you must cease being caught in the trap of praise-seeking. To break this destructive habit, you must stop placing others above yourself. Never look up to anyone for any reason. If you do this you will never have to seek their approval and will no longer be seduced by praise or intimidated by blame...The difference between praise and recognition may be subtle but it is highly important in developing a positive self-confident personality. If people are not given the recognition they need to make them feel accepted as the truly unique individuals they are, they will resort to seeking praise and become its prisoner."

"Lack of recognition or appreciation of individual uniqueness is another parental failing. Most parents pay little regard to their children's feelings, desires and opinions, rebuffing them with such maxims as, "Children should be seen and not heard!" and "Mother/Father knows best!" They take disagreement as either a personal affront or out-and-out disrespect. Leading analysts agree that this attitude is due to a low self-esteem which manifests itself in the need to always be right. These kinds of parents believe their child alone has a problem but, actually, the problem is a mutual one, involving both themselves and their offspring."

Addictions

"Low self-esteem has many manifestations or addictions. These can be described as the means and habits we develop to escape the demands of everyday living. They are simply alibis that permit us to temporarily avoid facing up to personal reality. The severity of the addiction we choose is in direct ratio to our sense of inadequacy and fear of having to justify who and what we are. The addicted person uses his alibi to cover up the low self-esteem he doesn't want others to see."

Motivation

"In essence, no one can be motivated. Everyone is self-motivated. YOU WILL ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU WOULD RATHER DO THAN NOT. This generates your particular motivation. Every action you take is a response to a personal need or desire that is determined by your present level of awareness. Normally, your basic motivation is to feel good--mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. If your needs in any one of those areas are unfulfilled, they will create a sense of frustration and anxiety and you will do whatever you feel necessary to make yourself comfortable, even if that action is harmful to yourself."

Visualizations (Visual Affirmations)

"Visualize yourself having, doing or being the things you want. Feel yourself enjoying them. See the details--colors, places and people--as vividly as you can. Hold the pictures clearly in your mind. Most important--you must put yourself in the picture. Get yourself a scrapbook and call it "Blueprint of Destiny." In it, put colored pictures of the things you want, the places you want to go or the things you want to do. Look at the pictures every day and let them seep into your subconscious. Soon, you will master the technique of visualization and, in the process, desire will become reality."

Getting what you want

"Keep in mind the Biblical admonition, "With all thy getting, get wisdom and understanding." It is best not to ask for things. Don't ask for a new car, money or a new home. Ask for the wisdom necessary to go about getting those things. If your ambition is to be an artist, actress, business executive, or anything else, ask for the wisdom to guide you in achieving it. Wisdom is the only thing God has to give you. You must use it and do the rest yourself. You can pray your heart out but God, who must rule His Universe by Law, cannot change things just for you. Only by gaining wisdom, will you know how to work with the Law and bring forth your desires."

Getting along with people

"Be friendly and let the conversation take its own course...And don't try too hard. From the beginning, take for granted that the person will like you, and he will!"